Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Quiet Reflections on a Little Baby Lost

Every year, long about this time, when summer fades into fall, and pumpkin muffins and lattes are abundant, I remember losing my second baby.  I told the story here, and here, about how I was 13 weeks pregnant when his heart stopped beating and I had to have a d&c.

Recently, one of my sweet Bible study friends lost her baby at 39 weeks.  It was heartbreaking.  At the time she delivered, our friend Brooke, who also lost a baby, went to be with her.  Brooke's amazing story of carrying and giving birth to her first son, Briar, can be found here.  I sent Brooke a message of support the day she went to be with our friend, saying that it was so wonderful that Briar's short life was continuing to give, as God used her to be the hands and feet of Jesus in supporting our sweet friend.

In my quiet reflections, I felt a little sting, thinking about losing my own baby.  His loss, as painful as it was for me, was nothing in comparison to the experience my friends had endured with their losses.  His little life of 13 weeks, is all but forgotten by most, and there is nothing that lives on, except in my memory.

I am ashamed to say, I have felt a little sorry for myself since then, and the recent loss of my grandmother just magnified it, and continued to fuel my internal pity party, and feelings of hopelessness.

And then God showed up.  
And He let me know that he remembered.  
And he used my baby's story to help someone else.  
And if you've read a Beth Moore Bible study or two, you may remember learning that when God remembers, he acts.

Unbeknownst to me, an acquaintance of mine recently read my blog, and happened upon my story of miscarriage.  Unbeknownst to her at that time, she would become pregnant in the coming weeks and then miscarry her baby.  And when that tragic event occurred this month,  she sent me a message telling me the whole story and adding that she felt God had led her to my story to help her in her loss.  


I could hardly wrap my mind around the fact that the Creator of the Universe would use my baby's story from 5 years ago, to minister to someone suffering now, and at the same time minister to me in my own time of quiet sadness.

And I was able to reach out to her and help in a small way.  But of course, to God be the Glory for that, because it was all Him and not me.  It was really Him reaching out to her.  The hands and feet of Jesus.

And all of a sudden, I don't feel so pitiful anymore.  

And I don't want to wallow in misery.

And really, I just want to scream from the hilltops...

What a MIGHTY God we serve.  Zephaniah 3:17

He CAN make something from nothing.  Genesis 18:14

He can bring BEAUTY from ashes.  Isaiah 61:3

He CARES for us. 1 Peter 5:7

And He is CLOSE to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18




  1. Oh my, what an uplifting post! I, too, had miscarriages (two), both at 5 or 6 weeks -- but even though so early, both were mourned, and now, 30 years later, still are.

    I think a lost child is always and forever mourned and held in our hearts -- whether 5 weeks, or 13 weeks or 39 weeks, they are still our children. And how wonderful to be able to celebrate their tiny lives with someone else!

    A lovely post -- I think God is surely remembering you today.

  2. Remembering your baby today. And I'm also sorry for your friend that recently lost her baby. I CANNOT imagine. It actually makes me sick to think about it.

    I'm also glad that God used you as His vessel. Pretty awesome!

  3. What a sweet post! I'm happy that you can find solace somewhere. Loss is loss, it doesn't matter how big it is, it still hurts...



  4. what a sad but uplifting post...

    One of my young son's friends lost her baby last year. It was a horrific tragedy...the grandmother accidentally smothered the baby while sleeping on the couch with her during a babysitting session. The sweet baby girl was just four months old. This young mother posts on FB all the time about it and has wonderful support but it is so wrenchingly hard to read about it / so while I do not know how you feel nor her ( we can only imagine ) the best we can do is grieve along with you the best we can.

    This is always every mothers nightmare :(

  5. Wow! I can't imagine how you feel . God is so awesome!

  6. Hello.
    Losing a life living in you cannot be easy. In spite of the emotional turmoil you've endured, you have found comfort in friends who have undergone similar circumstances.

    I'd just like to say this, if I may - God does not take children from their parents, as some have been told. We have all inherited sin because we are all imperfect. We were born in a system in which everyone, both good and bad, eventually dies; but God "yearns" to reunite children with their parents by means of the resurrection and has lovingly made provisions to do so-John 5:28, 29; Job 14:14,15.

    Wishing you well. Thanks for sharing.

    Quench My Fire

  7. Thanks for sharing this moving testimony of your faith. It's true. He knows us. He loves us. And though sometimes it's nearly impossible for us to see it, he never forsakes us.

  8. Sorry for your loss and your friends' loss. Losing a late term baby, in particular, is so difficult! of course, losing any baby is rough!

  9. Oh, Kerri.

    I am shivering here in sympathy.

    Many, many years ago I had a long series of miscarriages and it breaks my heart to remember it even now.

    It's amazing how the pain in our lives molds into more compassionate beings...

    I guess that's the rainbow from the rain part.

    But it's also amazing how the pain never really leaves no matter how much time elapsed.

    Thanks for sharing this poignant post.

    This was quite moving.

    Sending a hug and a prayer your way.

    Blessings and A+


Kerri says:

Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts! I LOVE reading your comments.

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