Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Cervical Carcinoma and other Great Reasons to Have a Hysterectomy

So I was flipping through my calendar from last summer and was reminded that this time last year I went for that dreaded pap, with those lovely "irregular results" which led to a follow-up pap to confirm, which led to a colposcopy to remove it, which let to the path report of stage 1 cervial carcinoma (cancer), which led to a hysterectomy in November.
All this was going on while I was sick as a dog from my gall bladder, which was removed in July of last year (thank God).
Anyway, I have been waiting for an emotional "fall-out" of sorts.
Waiting to totally freak out that I can't have children anymore.
But it hasn't happened.
Sure, from time to time I feel a yearning when I see newborn babies, and pregnant friends, but it passes without any real incident.
Sometimes, I even forget about it totally.
I often feel sorry for people who forget, too, and say things to me like, "When are you going to try for a girl?"  I feel bad for them because I think they freak a little when they realize what they have said, but I am not bothered or upset by it.
I have felt pretty "okay" in general lately.
Recently I had my 6 month followup pap.  I thought I would be finally "cleared" as long as it came back normal, and we scheduled my next yearly pap at the end of my appointment.  I was told to call the message service for my test results, but knew that they would call me if anything abnormal came up.
A few days later, my phone rang, and caller ID showed my OBGYN's number. 
I missed the call.  
I panicked.  
I totally FREAKED out.  
I couldn't focus.  
I couldn't breathe.  
I wanted to vomit.
I started driving toward my Mother's house thinking, "If this has spread to my vaginal wall, I cannot face it!  Jesus help me!"
On the way to my Mom's house, I got the courage to call back and speak with the nurse.
She informed me that she was calling because they need to see me again in 6 months, not a year, as I need 2 clear post-op paps in a row to return to regular yearly exams.
Simple scheduling error.
LAWD.

So this summer, I find that my thoughts are beginning to shift.  I am starting to really notice the perks of my "revised" body.  
This is the first summer since I was a teenager that I haven't had to plan a vacation around "Aunt Flow".
I have no worries about being in a bathing suit 24/7 all month long.
I don't have to buy or consume birth control pills.
I don't have to deal with certain "feminine hygiene products".
And I feel pretty good.
And I kinda like it.



He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.  Psalm 18:19

5 comments:

  1. I remember you going through all that last summer...so glad this summer is looking so much better! Sometimes I too think a hysterectomy might have some MAJOR benefits!

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  2. I was at my appt yesterday. Would love a hysterectomy but it's a no go. Instead my Dr. prescribed b.c. pills to take continuously so no "aunt flow" for me!! Glad everything was ok for you.

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  3. I'm glad you've come to a good place with this. I know it was a really difficult experience for you. There are benefits to it for sure! I would be happy not to deal with those things!

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  4. I'm so glad that you're feeling well and had a good check up. That call would have freaked me out too! You have a beautiful family. I'm thinking no aunt flo visiting all summer is a great deal! :)

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  5. I am so glad you panicked for no reason. And I am glad you found benefits of having the hysterticamy

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Kerri says:

Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts! I LOVE reading your comments.

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