Monday, May 21, 2012

FAITHful {lessons}

So yesterday, I was feeling bad.  
Still in my funk for the summer job not working out.  
Tired and worn out from not being able to sleep.
Worn. Down.
I had lots of reasons to skip church.
I waited until the last minute to get ready.
Then I considered crashing on the bed - fully clothed.
I could feel how easy the sleep would come.
Then I went downstairs, and saw the boys in a precious moment reading and writing together.  
Surely their brotherly love time was good.  We didn't need church.
Doug was leaving town later.  We should just stay home and spend time with him.
Lots of reasons to stay home.
But, I loaded up the boys and off we went.
In the car, I was feeling anxious.  
What if I got stuck in the service and had a panic attack.
I should just go back home.
But, I drove on, and in my head I repeatedly thought, "I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me.  My flesh may fail, but my God You never will."
I couldn't remember the rest of the song, but I felt so weak, I just needed God to fill me with His Spirit and hold me up.
And so we made it to church.
And a friend was there to sit with me.
And our pastor spoke on the EXACT issues causing deep pain in my mind, spirit, and soul.
And I realized why Satan had tried so hard to get me to stay home.
And my perspective was changed.
And I have a new focus, and a new direction.
And when the band closed the service, they sang...


I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You’re shaping my life
All I am, I surrender
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me
I may be weak
But your Spirit’s strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will


I couldn't believe it.  I still can't.
And then I was reminded of Luke 17:5.  The apostles said to the Lord, "Show us how to increase our faith."
And so now I think I know one of the lessons God is going to teach me this summer.
And I am faith FULL.


By the way, I now know the song is called, "Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship.

6 comments:

  1. Wow Kerri! Absolutely AMAZING is He!! I have those days where I find every excuse not to go to church and then the guilt overcomes me and so we go. Usually the message relates to me and I am so thankful that I did not miss it! Panic attacks, hmmm?? We need to talk. I had no clue. They have suddenly crept up on me as well! Oh and Faith, I so needed to read your blog tonight. Mine is definitely the size of a mustard seed. Praying for you girl! Love you sweet friend!!

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  2. Goose bumps! Love those kind of stories!

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  3. Don't you love when stuff like that happens? There are so many times when I'd like to just stay in bed & sleep but I try to remind myself that I never regret going to Church. It's like working out, after I've done it I feel great!

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  4. Great story, Kerri! I'm glad you made it, even with all those obstacles.

    P.S. I pressed my face against the window of Goga last Sunday. We had lunch at Outback and since I don't get out much I was excited to see that it was just a few doors down. :)

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  5. What a great post Kerri! I'm so glad you made it to church...your story gave me goosebumps!

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  6. Wow! That gave me chills...God does work in mysterious ways!

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Kerri says:

Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts! I LOVE reading your comments.

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